Freedom

Happy New Year! First off, I would like to say good bye to 2010. Thank you 2010 for all that you taught me. I do not even know where I would be if i did not experience the many things I did. I grew so much. I graduated high school, found yoga, and most importantly found a love in my Savior Jesus Christ that had been dim for so long. Now instead of living in a dimly lit room, that was narrow and empty, I am living high on a mountain top, green with foliage, with a warm river of the most exquisite blue imaginable. I am surrounded by an army of people, or not only help and support me. I had a dream last year that I feel pretty much sums up the changes that I made in 2010.

I recently had a dream, where I saw my self as an 8 year old walking on this desolate road that ran through such a dark and dreary place[1]. She was completely alone. Everything was gray and lifeless. What was even more frightening than the landscape was the countenance of the child I was looking at. Her once beautiful blue eyes that radiated joy and happiness, were dull and faded, the smile that was normally seen was no where to be found. Her sun kissed cheeks were pale and limp. Her body that loved to dance for hours was lifeless. She just kept walking forward, she was being pulled by little ropes[2], that were barley noticeable. I called to my little 8 year old Katie self, yet I knew that she could not hear me. I was dreaming and had no control. I just wanted somebody to help. [3]

As soon as I thought this, I saw my niece, Mary who I had grown up with come to me. Though she is now still a child, in my dream she was a powerful young woman. She had a sword, in her hand, and a bow with arrows slung over her back. Her blond hair was illuminated with bright light, and her brown eyes showed determination. With one quick movement Mary cut the cords that blinded my little 8 year old Katie to that destructive and painful path.[4]

Little Katie fell onto the ground, weak, and frightened not knowing what to do with this new freedom. I watched helplessly. Then I saw my younger sister Anna, come. I saw her as a powerful young woman. Anna’s loving nurturing personality was just what my dying young Katie needed. Anna instantly went to work helping Katie, She brushed her long gnarly hair, and braided it so it was out of her face. She bathed her, and put her in a new white dress. She spoke sweet words of encouragement, to her and sang songs of joy, that this young girl Katie had not heard for so long. As Anna, was helping Katie, Mary was standing guard. Then another girl came forth Sarah, my other niece. Sarah came in bringing Sunshine and joy. She was dancing and twirling as she laughed. Her Brown eyes emanating love and innocent. I saw my eight year old self, watch Sarah. I could see such a longing in her eyes to be free. However, she felt to ashamed, she could never, be like Sarah again. She had witnessed just too much Too many messages that degraded womanhood?

Sarah went over to little Katie and gave her a hug. Taking my young Katie’s hand into hers. Sarah was gentle and caring. Anna, explained to little Katie that they were going to take her on a high mountain where she would be safe, and where she could get some experience healing. As they walked Katie was racked with fear. “Fear” of moving foreword. She broke down sobbing. The three girls [young women] gently helped and encouraged her forward.

They were soon high upon a mountain top. The top of the mountain was covered with green trees and Foliage. In the center was a large weeping willow tree that seemed to invite Katie to stand under is shade. It was brilliant and safe.[5] Little Katie looked around with wonder. Mary stood by her the whole time arrow in hand, ready to protect her. I watched as a powerful light filled being showed up to be with Katie. As I looked at her I realized that once again it was me. This time instead of seeing a lifeless eight her old, I saw a being so full of light, and knowledge. She was gorgeous beyond any measure. Her eyes shown like lighthouses. Looking at her I knew that she was the daughter of Heavenly parents. I realized I was looking at my whole, wise spirit self. She went over to eight year old Katie, and started to talk to her. She told her that she was free now, and had nothing to fear. Little [Katie] started to cry and said that she did not deserve love and happiness

Being on the mountain[6] allowed the whole land to be viewed. My wise, mature spirit self told little Katie to look at the darkness and people who had blinded her, She said, “they may look like a large army, but look at the forces behind you.” As little Katie turned her head, her perspective changed. She saw an army bigger then she could imagine. People filled with light. They had on armor and weapons. As she turned back to spirit she noticed that she too was now wearing armor, and weapons. Little Katie, felt so much protection. She no longer feared. As the dream was coming to an end I watched as my little eight year old self starting dancing, she was smiling and happy, I watched her spin and evolve into eternally progressed daughter of god and perfected woman.

Good Bye 2010...Hello 2011.

I started out my 2011 by attending the annual Bodhi Yoga Floral Water Meditation. What an amazing experience. Syl explained the energy of the year, and what to kind of expect. This knowledge is priceless in helping me understand what to create for myself. During my mediation I learned so much. The first thing I learned was that it was now my name that I start to teach yoga. I have been wanting to but have been avoiding it because I was scared. However, at this time it is my calling and I can no longer deny it. For if I did I would be like unto Jonas, and I do not really want to be swallowed up by a whale. I really want to do the Thai Partner Yoga training this summer. During my mediation I heard a voice tell me that that would be brought unto me, however I needed to be grateful for what I already had with the current yoga training I have right now. I need to show my gratitude for that by really developing a sincere yoga practice and to teach it, which is exactly what I am going to do. During the mediation I heard a voice ask me what my heart what it wanted. I heard it say freedom. Wow. I realize now that I have been like a princess in a tower over looking a beautiful valley. I can see the view, feel the wind on my skin, smell the fresh air, and taste the warm of the sun on my tongue. I can do all these things but i can't live it. I am stuck in my tower, trapped. I see and know what i want yet, that's not enough. I want to experience it, and dance with it. I want to jump down from my tower and dance in the meadow below, I want to touch the ground and be able to choose where I run off to next. Life is a spiral ever circulating here and there. There are so many possibilities to one situation, that we could never even comprehend it. I was the one that took away my freedom. I banished myself to that tower, because I did not believe in my ability to choose for myself. No longer am I going to live like this. In order for my life to be what I desire for it, I need to believe in myself and my ability to create. I longer need to control everything, but rather let the creative spiral move out on its own, spiralling ever forward and outward, and bringing about an endless array of possibilities.

Thank you God, I am so happy and grateful that i am now in 2011 experiencing freedom to the fullest.

Thank you God, I am so happy and grateful that I am now in 2011 learning who Katie is and staying attentive so I may hear her voice.

Thank you God, I am so happy and grateful that I am now allowing the creative spiral to work freeing in my life.

Thank you God, I am so happy and grateful that I am now experiencing thee as my greatest ally

Namaste

Listen to your heart

I have struggled with Anxiety ever since I could remember. Its been one of those things that I have put up with for so long that I just figured it would never quite go away. I feel my anxiety in my solar plexus region. Like clockwork i would wake up every morning feeling a pit in my stomach where then butterflies would explode from. This same feeling would occur when I drove, took a test, or even just thought about something stressful. Needless to say, this is not how i wanted to live. To deal with the problem I would put essential oils on my 3rd charka every morning and night, to try and calm it down. This would work for a time, however on really bad days it would give me little relieve. One Saturday morning, I got up and decided to drive down to Orem for a yoga class. The teacher that particular day happened to be a Kopha. I was so excited, knowing that I would be lead through a deep class. She said she wanted our focus that day to be on our heart, and to allow it the space to open up. Keeping that in mind I let my heart lead my practice. During savasana I had a total realization that instead of trying of trying to "fix" the problem by going straight to be 3rd chakra I needed to strengthen my heart chakra. (This made perfect sense to me since in massage therapy when someone comes in with neck and shoulder problems I almost always check the pecs. For if the pecs are tight then the neck muscles get pulled which causes the pain. We are to look at the opposite muscle that could be causing the pain. ) I also had a huge realization that for so long I had been living through my 3rd chakra which is "I think" I always did things because i thought them out and they "logically" made sense. This is not necessarily a bad thing, however in the process of doing this i learned to be governed by guilt and fear, instead of joy and faith. My heart chakra had lost its ability to help balance the choices i was making. For when one is living out of their heart charka they do things because they feel that its what they want to do.

After class i went over to the grocery store to pick up some snacks for my ride home, since i had not eaten breakfast. I quickly noticed a sale they were having on produce. I instantly with out even thinking (wow what a thought *no pun intended) bought some kiwi, avocados, and a green goodness bottled juice. When i got home i realized that i had purchased all green food. Green being the color of the heart chakra, I also realized i was wearing a light pink shirt. For days all i craved was green fruit, and vegetables, and I wore tons of pink. My heart chakra was finally being nourished. So now when i get anxiety and wake up with the thousands of butterflies, I know to first treat my heart then treat I my solar plexus. Living through my heart has brought about more joy, and freedom then have ever experienced. I am having to learn to balance it with some 3rd chakra or i end up staying up talking till three o'clock in the morning, but oh well I am learning...

http://www.bodhiyoga.com/