Different Perspective

Yoga. Ahh...yoga. There is not a day that goes by where i do incorporate an aspect of yoga into my life. I am still working on developing a consistent home practice, but i have to believe my heart is in the right place. I love how you can contribute yoga into every aspect into ones life. For it is a broader truth that carries its roots far and wide. When I look at life as a dance of yoga then it seems so much easier to handle. For when I do yoga there are attributes that i can always count on. First every practice is different. Sometimes i am in a great flow and its easier while others its hard from the beginning, and i push through it. This is so much like life. Some mornings i awake and am so attuned to the positive flow of abundance. While some days i have to say over and over "om nama Shiva" just in order not to throw my arms up and crawl back into bed. Its those days i have to be even more determined to choose something good. On more of a detailed scale even during my practice i can have moments of bliss and moments of pain, yet really there are all one flow.

Yoga has taught me that everyday, experience, and time is different. This simple thought has taught me not to be so hard on myself. For what i needed yesterday may not be the same as what I need today, and what worked today may not be what will work tomorrow. For this is the dance I am in. Being ok with the now. Being more neutral or Satvic really. Love. Acceptance. For me yoga has become the way of life that I choose to life. My life has not become easier by any means, but its become more expanded. My container is wider so I can experience more joy and love while not being afraid of the pain.

This morning I woke up with the judgment that are so often the demise of my day. I know when my thoughts are not healthy when I feel all the "shoulds" that make me feel over whelmed and lethargic. At this point I have a choice to either sit and listen to those messages or go to my body and deal with the reasons why I am feeling that way. I choose to go on a walk through my beautiful neighbor hood. As I walked up and down the streets i felt a power surge. As my walk moved on i noticed i was picking lighter hearted and more sensitive music. I walked up to a spot where I could over look the valley. As I looked out at my new perspective I realized that the view is always there, I just need to leave my comfortable place and go there. I love the idea that I can know bring down with me what I saw and know there is a bigger world outside of the current state i see.


My heart cries out ot be in the warm embrace of Bodhi Yoga. Even if I can't be there in spirit I know I can all myself to go sit there. I am never to far away to enjoy the grace that holy center offers, and the healing I miss so much. Namaste.

Full Spiral

This weekend marks exactly one year since I stared my journey. It feels just like yesterday when I walked up those sturdy grounding steps to the opened doors of the Bodhi center. In the midst of the doorway stood a women who would bring about a Morpheus for me, like unto that of a Caterpillar and a butterfly. I cannot express into words the love I have for that center and for Syl alike. I am so grateful for the openness I had in attracting yoga into my life as well as the yoga so easily finding its way into mine. I had the blessed opportunity to teach on the exact night that I had one year ago stepped into that holy space. It was the biggest class I had ever taught. Yet it was so profoundly one of my favorite. It made me want to know more, and learn more to provide even more for my students. I am now opening up to my creative center so I can more fully express in ways that are me. Allowing the class to have more freedom and fluidity then ever more. I love yoga. Even as I write this I feel a sense of deep gratitude and appreciation that I feel as if I could cry. Yoga is more than just going to a class and putting out moves here and there. It is as simple and wonderful as breathing, feeling the body, or the way we see our world. It is expansive yet grounding. It is the conversation between flight and dance. It is the essence and absolute in the way I am now living my life. It is mindfulness in all matters. Outside and inside of my body. It is expression that brings light to the suppression of my heart. Yoga is. This word alone brings about a sensation in my body, in Sanskrit it means "to yoke." How beautiful. Come and experience this way of life for yourself at the enchanting and life changing Bodhi Center.

I LOVE my body

Since staring yoga at the Bodhi center I have begun to have a profound understanding of my body. I was thinking about how in the past I used to never be sore or feel my body. Now I notice when my QL feels tight. I wake up in the morning and have to take a moment to stretch and open my sacrum. I get teased for stretching during dinner or laying on the floor doing a twist while watching a movie.

Recently during a personal yoga practice I woke up from Savasana actually feeling my body. I cannot even describe the love i felt for my body, and how much i appreciate the body I have. I love love love MY BODY. I love the thought that I am unique DNA. I am me. Katie Rebekah is the only one with her finger print and exact rings in the eye. I love it. It makes me apprecite how important it is for me to be me.

For a while I had a hard time wanting to be grounded in my body and on this earth. I love to fly and sore in. I lived in my upper Chakras creating and planning the life I wanted to live, but I never ended up living the life I wanted, because would never be in reality enough to bring down my ideas. I recently had a really cool analogy come to me concerning this. I believed that if i was grounded then I would be unhappy and stuck. Instead I learned that i could not dance with out feet. Ahh...i loved it. i love to dance. I can fly and sore then come back down to earth and dance and spin. This has been really great for helping me want to stay on the earth and knowing that its safe and joyful to be here.

Yoga has enabled me to be in my body instead of outside of it. I can now more fully experience the spiritual experience because I can ground them into reality and really feel them. I love my body and the wonderful gift i have of really being able to feel. Ahh...Namaste

The Dance

I am so incredible thankful for the yoga I have in my life. Indeed it is difficult going to places where I feel inadequate, but how awesome it is. The way I could feel my fascia and muscles pop then release was amazing. To go from a really intense and emotional struggle then turn and feel the bliss of my love from my Savior during savasana is amazing. Despite all my so called imperfections that I am shown everyday, I still love myself for I am perfect right now. Today. The information I learn about myself through my mediation is incredible. To learn to simply let go. To let go of the expectations, limitations, and expected outcomes. To simply just be me. To be the beautiful perfect daughter that I am right now. I am so thankful to be where I am in my life. I have more right now than I ever thought possible for myself and I love it. I love to run. When I woke up this morning all i wanted to do was run, yet I could feel my bodies need for yoga. When I started and realized how hard it was I simply wanted to quite. I realized when I run i tune out of my body. This in a way is easy because i can use my body has a machine and just go. However, when I do yoga i feel my body and the all the things I am trying to hide. This can on occasion be quite intense yet the reward at the is far worth it. Whats beautiful is I only feel as much as my body can process at that point. I am never given more then I can handle. This even goes with joy. I am learning to let go and simply me so that i can make room for more joy. By not running from the pain i am able to feel more joy. Ahh...yoga. Namaste.

Something borrowed. Something New

Robert Browning wrote:

Grow old along with me

The best is yet to be
The last of life, for which the first was made:

Our times are in his hand
Who saith, “A whole I planned,
Youth shows but half; trust God: see all, nor be afraid!”

^{I am sure where to even start. So like any good story I will start with "Once upon a time...." Lived a happy girl who had long brown hair, big blue wondrous eyes, and the best childhood anyone could of asked for. Her feet were like leather because she lived outside and never wore shores. Her sun kissed checks were rosy all summer long. She would dance for hours, carelessly underneath the big open sky. She would think hard about how one day she would fly over the mountains that surrounded her tiny town. She was blessed with stability and the gift to be able to live in the same house her whole life with her parents and siblings. Oh how she had the best siblings. Her younger brother was not only her best friend, but her co-Creator of a world beyond imagine. When there minds were put together they could go anywhere, do anything, be who ever they fancied to be. One could even say these two young dreamers spend more time being Indians, or school teachers, than an eight and five year old. Life was not all play, however. She learned work. Caring for pigs taught her that. Oh how she pored her heart and soul into those little soft, wrinkly piglets that would squeal when hungry, then sleep on your lap when sleepy. Her thankfulness and love for those pigs could take up pages upon pages. In her mind she was royalty upon the animals and plants on her families ranch and farm. On late summer evenings when the sun was just barley staring its decent behind the mountains to retreat for the night our heroine would ride joyfully beside her father in his red, GMC pickup. The window rolled all the way down so she could hang her hand out and touch the adoring foliage as she drove by. The whole time the wind gently caressed her face and tousled her hair with its warm earthly touch. Everything seemed so right. Felt so right. The little girl knew and loved her place on earth. So many more memories could be portrayed. For the stories are endless. The memories are with out end.}

^{I am grown up now. This story is only beginning for me. As I told my dear friend what life was like growing up on a ranch and a farm in my podunk town i could not help but to long to go back, and be the ranch princess I was. Yet I now realize is I still am that girl. I am still Katie with my brown hair, big eyes, and wondrous personality. I still have my big browned eyed brother to call and share all my worries, concerns, dreams and wishes with. Nothing has changed. It certainly may feel different because my physical barrings are changed, yet I am still me. Even now I have big tears streaming down my face. The same tears that would fall as a child when I approached disappointments and loss.}

^{I believe in perfect timing. I know that God has an incredible knack for timing. I am so grateful for this. As I was having all my feelings of my childhood, my dear Syl wrote a beautiful blog post about the art of letting go. Here is the link. Read it. For she so eloquently puts into words how i feel.}

http://syliloquies.blogspot.com/2011/04/theres-picture-on-one-of-my-mantles-of.html

The art of letting go can apply into every aspect of our journey. I am learning to let go of an outcome I want so that it can develop and be what it needs to be. I recently went through an experience with someone who choose something far differnet than what I wanted. As the weeks have gone by i have been in so much pain, feeling betrayed. Now that i let go of their choice and let them live their own experience I can now feel joy instead of sadness. While i was praying over this same person a while ago I learned I am free when I give others their freedom. To echo Syl's words its not about holding someone/ ourself captive to how they were at one time. We all have the opportunity to evolve and grow. As much as i miss the past, I can have faith that the future holds something equally as grand as my past. And by living in the present I am sustained with the possibles for the future.

After reading Syl's post my friend who patiently sat and listened to me reminisce in the past gave me this talk by Elder Holland. How inspired. This is a great action talk for knowing how to bridge the past and the future. I am so grateful for my past, my present and the future I get to live.

http://lds.org/liahona/2010/01/the-best-is-yet-to-be?lang=eng&query=elder+holland+byu+devotional+2009

Awareness

I must say its been quite a while since the last time i poured out the most tender of my feelings on this wonderful blog of my mine. It's funny for I know no one reads it yet, it seems that just becuase it is on a blog then I must have an audience. Hmmm...what a fun thought. Going off of fun thoughts I have many to share. First of all, I am not the same girl who wrote on this last time. No. I am differenct. I mean I have grown. Of course I probably look the same on the exteior (despite the shorter more curler hair) the interior had some redecorationg. You see I am done with massage therapy school. Hold back your applause. I am so grateful to be done. I learned tons, yet had no idea how happy I would feel to not have to go back. School is always an interesting thing for me. In the moment, I for the most part really enjoy it. Yet, as soon as I am done I marval at how I ever did it. I know that in the moment God gives me the strength neseccary to accomplish what it is I need to do. This is a wonderful gift which provides me with much hope. After school was out I went home to for two weeks. Ahhh...what an amazing gift. While there I really had time to think about what I wanted to achieve when i got back to living my life. Now i am more determined than ever. I am going to to Thai Partner Yoga this summer. This seems a strong determined resolve to earn the money, which as a working girl i am going to do. Sorry I think i hit the wall with this post. It is not nearly as deep as I would of liked it to be.

Wings

On this beautiful Friday morning I find myself enjoying my typical green smoothie particularly green today with spinach, kale, and collard greens. They are accented with the creamy texture of banana and pear, and the sweet taste of ripened blueberries. As I slowly allow this mixture to gently glide down my throat I am grateful for the strength it gives my body. This experience is magnified by the sound of my current favorite band: Mumford and Sons. Their lyrics are borrowed from Shakespeare and the bible. They have so much emotion in each song that spills over into my heart and soul. This is particularly appreciated at this time as I am swimming in a brilliant pool of emotions, thoughts, passions, hopes, dreams, and the array of possibles. I have recently asked myself the questions, "Katie, who are? What does your heart honestly desire?" Such simple questions should yield simple answers. Right? Wrong. You see I stand four weeks away from graduating massage therapy school. Man did that every fly by. I have grown exponentially. I have found love, friends, passions, a new way of life. Yoga has slowly breathed life into my limp body. It has transformed me into a vibrant being who dares to dream again. Now I could off on all my negative fears, worries and limiting beliefs, but what good does that do? Instead let me share with you what I know and feel.

What a fantastic place for me to be really. I get to choose whatever I want to do. Lately, I have been feeling the need to do all these ground things in discovering what I want to do. There are millions of sources out there that really can help us channel our feelings, dreams into what we really want. I guess you could say I have felt overwhelmed that I decided not to do anything. I have been passively waiting for the universe to bring me what I really want. Funny thing is how can it bring me anything when i do not know what to ask for. I keep allowing my thoughts to invade me with "oh just wait it out." Hello! How on earth can someone like me wait? Hmmm...now i know there are times when patience is how we should embrace a situation, yet I let myself become depressed in the name of patience. Crying myself to sleep and waking with those same tears is no way to live. On one particularly bad morning i wrote this plea to my Heavenly Father, "One would think that after all the inspiration and spiritual conformation I have received that I would be on top of my game loving life, and the array of possibilities that come with it. No, instead I am left feeling empty, depressed and lethargic. I feel like my dream scape has been sucked dry, and that I am passively lying on a rough, cracked, uneven dessert floor. It’s overcast, yet it won’t rain. If only I could have some rain. That would heal my wounds right? That would bring green and growth to my desolate dessert. Ahhh…the thought of rain, with its cool refreshing touch that glides down your skin, mixing in and washing away your tears. The aroma of hope and a new start. I feel like a flower, wilted and dying." What is so ironic is that very day it rained. I let the thought of just to wait to take over my ability to dream and actively play a part in my life. I let myself get lost in self pity. I was overwhelmed at the steps i could take. Even this morning as I gently laid in bed feeling the little rays of the warm sun caress my face, I could myself trying to sift through all the crap in my head, to find what I could today to change my situation.

Yesterday was a big eye opener for me. In my business class we had a panel of massage therapist come and answer our questions about being in business. The panel consisted of four women who have all been involved in the massage industry for the past five years. They have their own businesses, and are strong, powerful women who have created for themselves what what they want. I left feeling this urgently to start deciding what i wanted. When I came home I found my gemstone necklace had been sent back to me after being restrung and rejuvenated. What a gift from my angels. The purpose of this necklace is to give strength in helping one find their personal power. I drove down to teach yoga. I was blessed to be able to get there an hour early. This allowed me to do some chanting and meditation, before class. During yoga I could feel myself getting frustrated and agitated. The ever present thoughts of hopelessness were all around me. Luckily for me, afterwards i had planned to stay and study anatomy with Christi and Frank. A gift that I may not be able to explain. I expressed my feelings of frustration and hopelessness in not knowing what I wanted to do. As we rubbed warmth into each others feet Frank told of us life. Just talking to him brought me much hope about what I could do.

Now that I have cleared my head, I am ready to claim back my power and my right to be happy. The thought came to me of opening my own place, or finding a place to rent with someone. Why not create what I can't find? Sounds good to me. I have talents. I have the ability to attract the people, money and experiences in my life that will bring me the most joy. My wings are working and ready to sore to new heights. Whoever wants to come with me. COME! Come into my life like a great wind bringing with you the gifts that will lift and strengthen us. Thank you God, I am and joyful and grateful that i am now having my angles:

Help me connect with like-minded people.

Help me be aware of my power.

Help me be aware of my importance.

Guide me to thoughts that are in harmony with my core desires.

Bring me evidence of how this creation process works in fun, delightful and comfortable ways.

Now instead of waiting for what I want to come to me I going to find it. I may have to try things out to decided if I really like them, for how will I ever know if I do not try? I know my Heavenly Father will be there with me protecting me and allowing me to sore and discover what I want. Namaste.