What a fantastic place for me to be really. I get to choose whatever I want to do. Lately, I have been feeling the need to do all these ground things in discovering what I want to do. There are millions of sources out there that really can help us channel our feelings, dreams into what we really want. I guess you could say I have felt overwhelmed that I decided not to do anything. I have been passively waiting for the universe to bring me what I really want. Funny thing is how can it bring me anything when i do not know what to ask for. I keep allowing my thoughts to invade me with "oh just wait it out." Hello! How on earth can someone like me wait? Hmmm...now i know there are times when patience is how we should embrace a situation, yet I let myself become depressed in the name of patience. Crying myself to sleep and waking with those same tears is no way to live. On one particularly bad morning i wrote this plea to my Heavenly Father, "One would think that after all the inspiration and spiritual conformation I have received that I would be on top of my game loving life, and the array of possibilities that come with it. No, instead I am left feeling empty, depressed and lethargic. I feel like my dream scape has been sucked dry, and that I am passively lying on a rough, cracked, uneven dessert floor. It’s overcast, yet it won’t rain. If only I could have some rain. That would heal my wounds right? That would bring green and growth to my desolate dessert. Ahhh…the thought of rain, with its cool refreshing touch that glides down your skin, mixing in and washing away your tears. The aroma of hope and a new start. I feel like a flower, wilted and dying." What is so ironic is that very day it rained. I let the thought of just to wait to take over my ability to dream and actively play a part in my life. I let myself get lost in self pity. I was overwhelmed at the steps i could take. Even this morning as I gently laid in bed feeling the little rays of the warm sun caress my face, I could myself trying to sift through all the crap in my head, to find what I could today to change my situation.
Yesterday was a big eye opener for me. In my business class we had a panel of massage therapist come and answer our questions about being in business. The panel consisted of four women who have all been involved in the massage industry for the past five years. They have their own businesses, and are strong, powerful women who have created for themselves what what they want. I left feeling this urgently to start deciding what i wanted. When I came home I found my gemstone necklace had been sent back to me after being restrung and rejuvenated. What a gift from my angels. The purpose of this necklace is to give strength in helping one find their personal power. I drove down to teach yoga. I was blessed to be able to get there an hour early. This allowed me to do some chanting and meditation, before class. During yoga I could feel myself getting frustrated and agitated. The ever present thoughts of hopelessness were all around me. Luckily for me, afterwards i had planned to stay and study anatomy with Christi and Frank. A gift that I may not be able to explain. I expressed my feelings of frustration and hopelessness in not knowing what I wanted to do. As we rubbed warmth into each others feet Frank told of us life. Just talking to him brought me much hope about what I could do.
Now that I have cleared my head, I am ready to claim back my power and my right to be happy. The thought came to me of opening my own place, or finding a place to rent with someone. Why not create what I can't find? Sounds good to me. I have talents. I have the ability to attract the people, money and experiences in my life that will bring me the most joy. My wings are working and ready to sore to new heights. Whoever wants to come with me. COME! Come into my life like a great wind bringing with you the gifts that will lift and strengthen us. Thank you God, I am and joyful and grateful that i am now having my angles:
Help me connect with like-minded people.
Help me be aware of my power.
Help me be aware of my importance.
Guide me to thoughts that are in harmony with my core desires.
Bring me evidence of how this creation process works in fun, delightful and comfortable ways.
Now instead of waiting for what I want to come to me I going to find it. I may have to try things out to decided if I really like them, for how will I ever know if I do not try? I know my Heavenly Father will be there with me protecting me and allowing me to sore and discover what I want. Namaste.
